How the practice of authentic, mindful communication can be a tool for more effectiveness at work and an act of spirituality at home.
Do you have a work voice or a way of communicating in the office? I certainly do. Because of my work on stages and in coaching, I spend a lot effort carefully crafting my speech. From asking constructive questions like, “I’m curious about that,” or asking questions in a succinct and engaging way for my audiences, my brain often has to work hard to filter my words. It requires mental effort to convert my thoughts into words that resonate best with the person or people on the other side.
So, it is logical that when my workday ends, I want the filter off. My brain wants to rest and let flow my thoughts rather than restraining them. But, I’m starting to see that the practice of mindful communication isn’t something to let go of at home. In fact, it’s probably the most important place to practice it.
“Speak the truth in a pleasing way, and let your words be kind and beneficial. Avoid speech that is disturbing and that which is without purpose.” (Bhagavad Gita, 17.15)
Mindful communications as a spiritual practice
Mauna is a Sanskrit word. Used in Vedic texts, it refers to the importance of moderated speech or the act of remaining silent. Contemplation and refrained speech is seen as a Vedantic tool for bringing inner peace. When we invite quiet or slow our speech, we can think and be more in tune – or authentic – when we do talk. This is what we often do instinctively at work – in giving performance reviews, in leading meetings or talking with executives. We speak carefully, deliberately and with more desire to listen.
Lack of restraint has propagated our current culture of social media commentary and hate speech. The digital disconnect creates an invitation to some to “speak their minds” rather than metabolizing their discomfort. Words written over WiFi are often disconnected from their impact on others.
Paramahansa Yogananda says that speech is where we lose the most energy or prana, and what drives us to various entanglements. So preserving our energy through our intentional speech and active listening has a pervasive positive effect on mind and body.
Bring your ‘work voice’ home
Engaging in this practice, while challenging, is more natural at work. We often wear our “work masks” anyways. When we arrive home, there’s a desire to be more relaxed and engage differently, more emotionally, with your loved ones.
At home, my patience disappears more quickly. I lose some of my curiosity and listening skills. I ditch frameworks for dialogue I was using just hours prior.
“Raja, stop!”
“No, you can’t have candy.”
“Turn it off!”
“Because I said so.”
Especially in mom mode, my tone changes, my voice raises and I am more unilateral. Some of this is necessary as a parent, but not always. At work, I’m lauded for my communication skills. At home, not so much. Realizing this is what is inspiring me to bring more of my “work voice” at home, particularly with my kids, but with loved ones, too. This simply means bringing more mindfulness, intention and thought into my communication.
Do what I do, not just what I say
Part of our role as a parent, partner and friend is to maintain etiquette for positive communication. This creates natural boundaries and ground rules. In them, we learn what is and isn’t ok to say and that can differ with different people.
Ultimately, the goal is to have the same inner standard and way of communicating in all settings. This is our whole self. This means bringing the same evenness, tone and approach – everywhere – at work, home and in a disagreement. The most important place to do this is in our home. As a parent, it is our job to model and set the etiquette for our children so they learn how to communicate, handle disagreements and self soothe. We teach them by how we are, not what we say.
With this realization, I can see that I have room for improvement at home. There’s room to bring more of the work version of myself to the home. Paramahansa Yogananda believes our home is the epicenter for spiritual growth. Our home deserve our best efforts frameworks even more than our workplaces do, for within our home are the people who directly impact our sense of happiness and connectedness.
So how can we bring foster this more at home ?
Ways to practice more aligned communication
- Be mindful of your tone, volume
- Chose words deliberately, those that are kind, beneficial and needed
- Try your “work voice” more often
- Speak when necessary, not every situation requires a response
- Pause before speaking
- Mentally repeat a mantra before responding to conflict
- Use frameworks like “I statements” or the “sandwich technique”
- Course correct anytime you notice you’re misaligned
The goal is not perfection or the absence of emotionality and conflict. Being more aligned and “spiritual” is first knowing and then acting more in alignment with inner operating system in more instances. We will fail, often. But, if we try, many more times we will succeed.
