I created Boldly-Forward to guide you to realize that you are not alone. I want you to see you have more power inside of yourself than you could have ever dreamed possible. That joy is always available. It has been waiting to flow.
Mine is not a story of death, illness, or major tragedy. I am mature and experienced enough to know life has doled out harsher fates than mine. But my daily experience with life has been one of strife, even from a young age.
I have chased love and acceptance by trying to be perfect. I was addicted to achievement as the only way to feel adequate. I spent much of my life following the blueprint for a “good Indian girl,” chasing degrees and awards that gave me satisfaction for moments but always left me hollow. First spelling bees and beauty pageants, then Wall Street, Harvard and Fox News.
I was a show pony.
A show pony is born to perform and live in the limelight. When I chose to step out of it, the only way I could describe myself was in past tense. Without a spotlight, I had to face that I did not know myself or like myself at times. That sparked an examination of myself and others.
With the help of spiritual inquiry, therapy and meditation, I began owning my issues, accepting life as it is and letting go of expectations. I realize I don’t have to choose between my love of hip hop and a daily practice of reciting shlokas to feel Indian or spiritual. I began to respect rather than resent a day full of meetings or my child’s meltdown at the grocery store, each having equal value.
Boldly-Forward is a collection of essays, experiences, and ideas about shifting – from living a life of doing to one of being. It is about fumbling through, rising to, or laughing through imperfect moments. It is my deeper search for Truth while living a normal life – as a mom who yells, a sister full of drama, a friend who will join you on the dance floor, and an ambitious, complex woman – perhaps like you.
Part of my freedom has come from openly trusting something Higher. Thus, interwoven in my storytelling is a pursuit for a connection to Self. It can be called God, Light, Divinity, Love or names like Jesus, Krishna or Buddha. Whatever name or faith – it is yours to choose.
I write to free myself. I write with the hope of serving. I write so you can laugh with and at me. I hope you will see parts of yourself in my story and love yourself a tiny bit more as a result.
You can learn more about my background and work at ShibaniJoshi.com
I thank the following for their contributions to this project:
Antoinette Spurrier – the guru longed for by my heart
Dr. Gregory Dickson – who walked with me loyally on my path
Michael Sugarman – his selfless, scientific methods validate divine destiny via Vedic astrology
Dorka Hegedus-Lum – a friend who beautifully captured my journey through her camera lens