One of the unexpected gifts of midlife is a feeling of being more comfortable with life as it unfolds. The career is established, the family is thriving, and a certain sense of mastery takes over.
There are fewer experiences that are entirely new. If we are lucky, we operate more in our zones of genius. While this vantage point can come with benefits, it’s easy to settle into the comfortable rhythms of midlife.
With a milestone birthday coming up, time feels even more precious. It’s a reminder to me that now is the time to explore or accelerate areas I’ve been holding dormant, waiting for free time or a clearing to present. Realizing that moment may not come soon, I’m wanting to step into new experiences, pushing my comfort zone and stepping into things on my life’s wish list.
That’s where Calypso drumming comes in.
Recently, I received an email on my child’s school message board about summer steel drum, or Calypso, lessons for adults at Stanford. As my children have gone through their musical education journeys, they have inspired me to reconnect with my musical interests. I played a few instruments as a child and resumed piano lessons a few years ago. But as my youngest found more of a passion in drumming, I felt a growing interest in it, too. Though, I didn’t know how or whether to pursue it.
The email felt like a sign.
I don’t have particular interest in steel drums, but I know weekend music classes that fit my schedule are rare. Foundations learned would apply to other drums. The downside was little. This is the year of saying ‘yes’ more often, after all. So, I signed up.
Driving to class that first day, maneuvering to a new part of campus and mapping the classroom, I felt unsure, like a freshman on her first day of school. “Why am I doing this again?”
I had forgotten what it was like to be a beginner.
As I entered the music classroom, set up with steel drums around the perimeter and students playing well-rehearsed melodies, I became even more unsettled.
“I don’t belong here.”
My classmates consisted of experienced college students, closer in age to my kids than me, and others who had been passionate about drumming for years. There weren’t any middle-aged moms who were giving drumming a shot for the summer.
As we waited for the class to start, we were encouraged to free play. So, I picked a drum in the back corner and scanned the room, looking for clues for how to hold the drum sticks and where to hit the pan. I wanted to run away.
Yet, as I clumsily hit the drum and navigated my way through the scale, it hit me: I hadn’t had this feeling in so long: of being bad at something…of not knowing what to do…of being a beginner. And different from my freshman year, I have 4 decades-plus of life experience to provide a security blanket of knowing that this feeling would pass.
“This is what you came for, Shibani. Have fun with it.”
And so I did.
As part of our class introductions, we were asked to suggest a norm to contribute to the summer experience for all. As I shared a little about my musical background and interests in drums, I suggested the norm of having a beginner’s mindset and having fun while learning.
This has been my mantra the entire summer.
We’re mid-way through classes, and I’m here to share: I am not great at drumming. I can’t figure where the high notes are. I’m slow to read sheet music. I have to keep my phone in the drum, so I can read the music app and keep up with the class. Yet, I’m having fun – and that’s the baseline goal. Not to be first chair. Not to nail the piece on the first day. Just to keep trying and smile when I can.
And with these lowered metrics, I’m a success!
This is what embracing a beginner’s mindset is about. Adopting one means approaching every task, every challenge, and every relationship with a sense of wonder and curiosity. It’s about shedding the preconceptions of ourselves that can cloud our judgment and seeing the world with fresh eyes.
Doing new things that we’re bad at allows us to reimagine ourselves and the world to our own selves. It allows us to:
- Stay nimble, allowing you to pivot quickly and embrace change with grace in a constantly changing world
- See what it’s like to be your kids or in the shoes of people who work in your organization
- Challenge ourselves and find reward in small gains
- Keep the mind sharp, your spirit young, and your sense of purpose alive
The good news is that you don’t have to upend your entire life to cultivate a beginner’s mindset. Find your own weekend drumming class look for small, everyday opportunities to challenge yourself:
- Take up a new hobby or skill, from cooking to coding to carpentry
- Volunteer in a role that pushes you out of your comfort zone
- Explore a new travel destination, immersing yourself in a different culture
- Engage in deep, vulnerable conversations with loved ones, leaving your assumptions at the door
It’s never too late to embrace a beginner’s mindset in your own unique way. In doing so, you just might uncover a whole new world of possibility and a new side of yourself, including learning that there’s no hidden drummer dormant within you.
