As a milestone birthday nears closer, I reflect more on life, my goals and the next chapters of what’s ahead. Also, of what’s transpired.
Overwhelmingly, I feel deep gratitude for my life. The good, the bad and the ugly of it. My heart swells with acknowledgement of the grace bestowed upon me.
And yet, there’s more I want to do.
Swirling alongside my gratitude is a growing sense of urgency to do, feel and be the way I have always want to be. It isn’t about a destination, goal or perfection – but an inner dialogue that has happened in mid-life for me and many I know or coach, shifting goals and perspective from me to we.
This is a hallmark shift of midlife. As is more urgency…in certain areas.
For what really matters – big dreams, health goals or making time for people – it is “go time,” as the pros say. Midlife ushers in a growing inner call to step up, take risks and give up what doesn’t serve. I’m seeing that waiting for the right moment, which can include reaching money milestones, ensuring external circumstances align or making people get on board keeps you stuck or on the sidelines. I have an equal sense of being comfortable with circumstances being imperfect or timing being unideal.
That’s because, with increasing clarity, I see that our legacies are built through midlife despite all the boxes being checked.
What are you waiting for?
Waiting for the kids to get a little older. Waiting for the promotion to come through. Waiting for your savings to hit a certain number. Waiting for a sign, for permission, for the endless, snarled traffic of life’s obligations to magically part, revealing a wide-open lane just for you.
We are a culture of waiters. We stand on the side of the road, engine idling, convinced that the perfect moment to begin is coming. Any minute now.
But what if it isn’t?
What if the clear, paved, four-lane highway to your goals is complete fiction? What if the real path forward looks less like an open road and more like a dense jungle?
The Midlife Urgency Isn’t a Crisis. It’s a Compass.
Sometime around your late 30s or 40s, a new feeling starts to hum beneath the surface. It’s a low-grade thrum of urgency. The time you once saw as an infinite horizon now has a visible shoreline. As decades pass, you realize you fewer guarantees. The cultural script calls this a midlife “crisis.”
That’s a lie.
That urgency isn’t a crisis; it’s an awakening. It’s your soul’s alarm clock, finally going off after you’ve hit snooze for two decades. It’s the visceral, gut-level realization that you have less time for things that feel hollow. The opportunity to acknowledge that we are often the biggest obstacles in our own lives, and, thus, have agency. We also have less patience for the masks we wear: the “good boss,” the “perfect parent,” the “nice friend.” We want to be driven by more of ourselves.
Change yourself and you have done your part in changing the world.
Paramahansa Yogananda
Though I feel trepidation heading into a new decade, I also know it isn’t a moment to fear. It’s an opportunity. Feeling time running out is a gift in a weird way. It’s the universe handing me a compass and pointing, not toward what I should do, but toward what I must do. Midlife is permission we’ve been waiting for, granted by our own mortality.
The question is no longer, “When will the path clear?” Instead, it is about accepting all that is, including ourselves.
Moving Forward When There Is No Path
Seizing the day isn’t about grand, reckless gestures. It’s about taking deliberate actions. It’s about creating the path by walking it. Here’s how I plan to start:
- The 15-Minute Act. Forget the five-year plan. What can you do for 15 minutes today? Don’t “plan to write a book.” Open a document and write one paragraph. Don’t “start a business.” Spend 15 minutes researching one competitor. The goal isn’t to reach the destination; it’s to be in the present and participate in acts that are in alignment with you, even if for a short time.
- Conduct an Energy Audit. Authenticity is about a series of small, honest choices. For the next week, ask yourself one question about your activities, conversations, and commitments: “Does this energize me or drain me?” That’s it. Just notice. Notice how you feel after coffee with a certain friend. Notice how you feel after that weekly meeting. The answers will be your map, as often we don’t even know how we may feel about agenda items that clutter our day. Get curious about what drives you.
- Redefine “Ready.” You will never be 100% ready. The finances will never be perfect. You will never have all the knowledge. “Ready” is a myth that keeps us standing still. Your new definition of ready is simply willing. Willing to try, willing to be clumsy, willing to learn as you go, and willing to be courageous. The moment you are willing is the moment you are ready.
The opening isn’t ahead of you. It’s inside of you. It’s the courage to take the first step into the wilderness without a map and believe in yourself even still.
This is what the next decade will be for me. I am excited to step into it despite full clarity, additional time or pathway to goals fully clear.
The path doesn’t clear by itself. We must clear it. And in doing this, we actualize who we are meant to be and what we will leave in this world.
