In this latest “What Shibani’s Reading,” I share titles from the book order I placed the week of my daughter’s 8th grade promotion ceremony. It was’t until that week that it hit me. Hard. I don’t feel prepared for my first child to enter high school and her impending launch into adulthood.
I can foresee that her transition to high school will require my stepping back to allow her to step up in every aspect of life. I’m turning from parent to coach. This will requiring a shift. Getting better a proactive, uncomfortable conversations will help me prepare her (and myself) for the more ‘adult’ situations ahead. I want to be proactive in having conversations and preemptive dialogue, but don’t always have the words. I never had these types of conversations with my immigrant parents, who were understandably oblivious to the challenges I faced in my first generation American high school experience.
This desire is what fueled my book order. Initially driven by anxiety, these titles are really meant to prepare the reader to change perspectives, so that we can help better shepherd our children into independence.
What’s great is that there is more understanding and research on the brain and psychology of the teenage child, too, which can help get into the mindset, mood swings and the schizophrenic disdain that seems to be coming more my way. (Serenity now!)
Would love to hear of any additional favorites you have!
Untangled by Lisa Damour, PhD
The undisputed new classic on the female teenage transition. I love the real life examples she shares and also the script prompts that I can directly lift out of the book, so that I have the precise and uncharged words to say in difficult moments. I also love her Ask Lisa podcast with my former colleague, Reena Ninan. The episode on talking to your teen about marijuana use was insightful and led to me think about my point of view and boundaries on this topic.
Debunking Teenagers by Daphne Adler
A new release from a business school classmate that is heavy on research on how to deal with common teenage predicaments. The book provides research-based answers to common predicaments parents and teens face in adolescence, from instilling good study habits to preventing suicide and assault. As one reviewer writes “This book is for critically thinking parents who want an approach to parenting that is based on current literature and real science.” Her social media provides bite-sized bits of that I find helpful, as well.
The Teenage Brain by Frances Jensen, MD
Written from a medical perspective, Dr. Jensen is an expert on the teenage brain and other brain-related trends, honed from her experience as the head of neurology at the medical school at the University of Pennsylvania. The Teenage Brain shares medically-driven findings to dispel commonly held myths about teens. It gives the reader practical suggestions, too. It makes you realize you and your teenager aren’t alone in the craziness and helps you, as a parent, understand her wiring more.
Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen by Michelle Icard
This book brings up 14 conversations starters for teens and parents. Some of them I have already had before this age, for example, asking her to tell me what friends she is going to the mall with other protocols like how to handle emergencies. This is geared more towards middle schoolers, but I like the range of topics this book covers. It covers everything from friendship, sexuality, impulsivity, and technology, as well as unexpected conversations about creativity, hygiene, money, privilege, and contributing to the family – many of which I haven’t had yet with my chid. Her BRIEF formula for conversations provides a helpful formula for conversations. I like that she shares dialogue examples here so that you have the words to use in difficult situations.
