In my last post, I wrote about a growing feeling of sparkle and optimism in my air. Perhaps it is some positive momentum in my life – lifting some dark clouds – or the beginning of the year of the Fire Horse.
Whatever the reason, after the holidays, I stepped back into the office with pep in my step and a smile in my heart. With both, I feel a greater lightness and ease in being able to smile, for no reason, around strangers but also people I’m connected to. How do I know? Because I feel it and see the response when I do so.
I do it on the way to work, at the grocery checkout counter and with colleagues and friends. In noticing how much more I am smiling, I am appreciating the powerful nature of a smile.
I’m not talking about the polite, automatic smiles we flash at a fellow driver, but smiles that shift something inside you and spark connection with others.
In fact, the smile has deep spiritual ties. For example, in Chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna begins consoling a grief-stricken Arjuna, who is called to fight in a war against friends and family, wearing a smile on his face. This act is reassuring, shows emotional intelligence and shows that it is possible to have equanimity in the face of turbulence. Smiling is also mentioned in the Bible, Proverbs 15:30 with “a cheerful look brings joy to the heart.” Smiling is a spiritual act, it seems.
Noticing that I have been smiling a little more, I explored with quiet curiosity: What if I treated smiling not as a reaction to happiness, but as a vehicle for more connection? What if, instead of waiting to feel good before I smiled, I smiled first and more often? In playing with smiling, I saw the spiritual power in it.
Reversing the reason for the smile
When we feel happy, we smile. We feel connected or joy, then we soften our expressions. That’s a beautiful practice but requires outer circumstances to align before we respond.
But there’s a beautiful opportunity to smile that can happen the other way around. When we smile even if we’re not in the mood, our muscles send messages to our brain. A smile can reverse engineer the release of dopamine and serotonin, the so-called happiness chemicals we have and make us happy.
It’s a remarkable loop. Just by smiling intentionally and authentically, we can actually create the feeling we want to have. We don’t have to wait for joy to arrive. We can invite it in with our actions.
Domino effect
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
–Thich Nhat Hanh
Here’s where it gets even more interesting: our smiles are contagious and create a ripple effect.
When someone smiles at you, you’re likely to smile back instinctively. Ever been on a hike and a stranger smiled at you? What was your reaction? Mirroring back, right?
It happens on a subconscious level, a reflex wired into us as social creatures seeking warmth and connection. Knowing the ripple effect it can create, I’ve started testing smiling more small, everyday moments. Walking into the coffee shop. Passing someone on the sidewalk, offering a gentle smile.
More often than not, I watch their expression shift. They smile back. And in that brief exchange, something shifts for both of us. We’re connected. We feel seen and a little more connected as humans.
Don’t fake it
When you do smile, its gotta be real and genuine. Researcher Vanessa Van Edwards says it is better to not smile at all than to fake a smile. For it to be a real, true smile, it must show up in the upper half of your face. I think about it as smiling with my eyes. When I feel a smile creeping into my eyes and reflect that in my eyes, I know it feels more authentic. Try smile with your eyes, when you can to ensure the most potent effects.
Smile, especially when it seems difficult
The world feels particularly heavy right now, admittedly. And, there are many things that weigh us down each day. Opting into a smile isn’t about faking happiness and ignoring your or the world’s struggles. It’s about tending to small acts of gratitude and appreciating the present moment, despite the heaviness.
Smiling cultivates happiness and feelings of peace internally and then offers it to others. Isn’t that precisely what we need more of in the world when things are difficult?
Smiling more may feel awkward in the beginning. I certainly felt self conscious about doing it more initially but, with practice and a shifted mindset, I perceived it almost like an act of inner rebellion.
Finding true peace despite everything not being perfect is hard. Acting in accordance with our highest self which is unwavering and calm is even harder. But smiling in the moment reminds us that we have the power to meet life in whatever way we choose. That choice is always ours. So why not smile?
