Think about the last time you had to reflect upon or explain what your purpose is. How did that make you feel?
Did you feel a quiet panic? How about a silent pressure that you should know the answer? Did you feel that in not having a solid answer that something has gone wrong in your life?
If you answered yes to any of these, you are not alone.
In my work at Stanford GSB with mid-career students and executive alumni, I run into the purpose trap everyday. That’s because as we age or obtain success, the pressure to be aligned and clear with purpose-based work intensifies. Practically every week I meet with someone who is in the search of an “aha” moment with regard to their purpose. When they don’t have that clarity, they feel discourage and alone.
Just as we chase status, title and wealth, so many of us also chase purpose. I see this in my own life, my peers and with those whom I coach. In fact, once you have some status, title or wealth, the pressure only intensifies to articulate and “live your purpose.”
We live in a culture that has turned purpose into a destination or a magic solution.
Here’s what I’ve been sitting with lately: what if the problem isn’t that we haven’t found our purpose? What if the problem is how desperately we’re chasing it?
Here are some ways I like approach purpose discovery.
Purpose Is Not a Lightning Bolt
The idea that purpose arrives as a moment of clarity is a fantasy. It is like a scene from a movie: you have this dramatic lighting bolt…and….poof! Everything suddenly makes sense. You feel inspired to pack up and move somewhere new. You’re hit with what the real dream job is.
Finally, your career, your identity and your happiness all align in a perfect, Instagram-worthy moment.
Sadly, it doesn’t work that way. The Eastern traditions have always known this. In Vedantic philosophy, dharma (one’s sacred duty or way of life) is not a destination you arrive at. It is something that unfolds as you do. In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna doesn’t instruct Arjuna to sit still and wait for his purpose to reveal itself. Krishna urges him to act…to show up fully, to do the work in front of him without clinging to results. Eastern wisdom guides that purpose emerges through the living — not before it.
The Winding Road is the Way
Some of us are born knowing we want to be surgeons or public servants. The rest of us have to take the long, winding road of discovery towards purpose. As I grow wiser, I see that purpose reveals itself slowly, in the accumulation of experiences, passions, losses, pivots, and unexpected detours.
For example, it isn’t until now, in my work at Stanford GSB and in the media space I’m in, that I feel that I’ve finally begun tapping into my purpose. Purpose involves serving others and less of my needs. It took me decades and many careers to get to this point. Still, I know I’m not at my ultimate destination.
Only by moving, in trying things, failing at some, falling in love with others, and paying very close attention to what lights me up and what drains me can I ascertain my next move on my path.
That’s not a failure of discovery. That is the discovery.
The Happiness Fallacy
Here’s the other thing nobody tells you: purpose is not a guaranteed path to happiness. It can coexist with struggle. It can feel heavy on some days and magical on others.
Purpose is not a panacea to life’s hardships. It doesn’t ensure your bills will be paid nor that conflict at work or with others will end. Sometimes living on purpose makes life harder.
Harvard professor Arthur Brooks warns that chasing meaning as an external achievement — money, recognition, status — is a trap. In his book From Strength to Strength, he argues that our greatest successes can actually deepen our sense of emptiness if we remain attached to them as the source of our worth.
The spiritual traditions say the same thing, differently. The Course in Miracles, which is based on the Bible, teaches that suffering arises when we seek in the outer world what can only be found within. We project our longing for wholeness onto careers, relationships, achievements — and when they inevitably fall short, we call it a crisis of purpose.
The crisis was never about purpose. It is about using external actions and achievements to fill our core desires.
Purpose as a Side Passion
Somewhere in western society, we have associated purpose with career. That unless you’ve turned your deepest calling into a paycheck, you are misaligned.
This piece in Harvard Business Review pushes back on this directly — arguing that there is little evidence a single, defined purpose is necessary for a meaningful career, and that the pressure to find one can be its own obstacle. By shifting from purpose to meaning, we can have access to the feeling we crave in living our purpose. We can do it in a side passion, a volunteer commitment or a creative pursuit that you never get paid for. And that’s OK.
The eastern concept of seva, or selfless service in Buddhist and Hindu teachings, holds that one of the most direct routes to a purposeful life is simply showing up for or serving others. This is what creates meaning – the shift from me to we.
Purpose can live in the way you parent. In the relationships you build with founders and the success that’s ignited in them because of that. It could live in the community you build or the meals you cook for people you love. What about helping a neighbor or bringing a thoughtful gift when no one asked. These are not small acts. In many traditions, they are the whole point.
Purpose is what gets you to show up for without recognition. It’s the quiet living you do everyday, in alignment with your values, day after day.
The side gig, the volunteer work or the project you do purely for the joy of it ARE legitimate ways to express your purpose. How do you know? Purpose creates a ripple effect in more than just yourself.
With this broader definition, even a CEO or venture capitalists can think about pursing passion alongside traditional goals – by focusing on the how they do their work and uplifting others in that work or in side projects, where they can make more impact thanks to their day jobs.
Looking for your Purpose?
The first step to finding purpose is to stop looking so hard for it.
Purpose whispers and gently calls you.
Paramahansa Yogananda taught that every soul comes into this life with a unique karmic blueprint — not a rigid script, but an orientation toward certain work, certain relationships or certain ways of serving the world. Our job is not to manufacture that blueprint, but to tune into it. But first, we need to get out of the way of our own way.
How do we do this? Through meditation, self-inquiry and acts of service. These aren’t soft suggestions. They are the time-tested tools for providing answers.
In my coaching, I also use energy and joy as clues.
- What do you keep returning to as a quiet wish in your heart?
- Where does your energy flow naturally?
- What would you do if no one was watching or no one was paying?
The answers to those questions provide directional clues.
Once you gain insight – take action. It doesn’t require quitting your job. Just take a high ROI act to move in the direction of what stirs something in you. Purpose is activated by doing, not just contemplating.
Purpose is a long and beautiful road of discovery that lasts your entire life.
It shifts as we shift. It deepens as we grow.
What calls to us at 30 might look completely different at 50, and that’s not failure. That’s evolution.
Stop chasing. Start listening.
